I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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