So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
