every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am spending my child support on dildos
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
