today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
