I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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