Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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