i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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