Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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