hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
