Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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