i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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