marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You work out of a Hotel?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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