I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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