I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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