a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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