I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
