1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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