he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
