I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
