do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
