Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize