Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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