I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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