I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
