Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
