Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Quick, to the slutcave!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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