i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize
