he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
