Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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