ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
