Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
