i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
