Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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