I wannas sexs uuuuu
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize