I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
50% drunk capacity currently
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
