Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
