Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
