Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
