look no pants
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
