As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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