when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
