So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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