It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
