I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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