I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
