There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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