If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
