Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A bitchslap is in order.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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