How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
