Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
