Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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