hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Reggie can tackle my bush.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
