ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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