she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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