I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
