Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
