remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
