i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
