Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
