Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
