the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
