this beer tastes like vomit already
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
