Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
