Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize