Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
