In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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