Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
