Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize