haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
