trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
