I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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