Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
