I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
