Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize