my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
