We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
