id be glad to
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
