respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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