dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
