I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize