Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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