So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
