I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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