it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
