3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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