absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
