its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
