Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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