I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
