Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
