Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize