if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
