I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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