May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize