My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
