either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
