is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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