what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize