So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's just like the Real World with babies
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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