so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
