He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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