So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
