How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
