my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
