there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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